Where did you get a picture of my penis
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
