oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
