OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
