I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I want to walk on stilts...naked
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
