Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
