i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
