you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
