He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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