then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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