She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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