If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
