She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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