1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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