With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
