im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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