I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize