he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
