That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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