If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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