I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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