Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
