new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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