Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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