I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
