Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
