oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
