I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
