just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
