update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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