I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
