We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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