If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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