Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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