just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
