I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize