Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
