Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
