She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
