threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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