I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize