you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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