I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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