My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize