We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
