what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
