Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
