my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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