dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
