Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
