My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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