my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
