Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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