so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
