i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
do herpes really smell.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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