New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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