he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
