Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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