He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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