a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
