Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
