i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
