In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
