My liver just broke up with me...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize