That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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