my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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