you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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