Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
